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  • Joke (28-Jul-2014 15:27 PST)
    What is the thinnest book in the world?

    "What men know about women."
  • Joke (28-Jul-2014 15:26 PST)
    Mrs. Peterson phoned the repairman because her dishwasher quit working. He couldn't accommodate her with an "after-hours" appointment and since she had to go to work, she told him, "I'll leave the key under the mat. Fix the dish washer, leave the bill on the counter, and I'll mail you a check. By the way, I have a large rotweiler inside named Killer; he won't bother you. I also have a parrot, and whatever you do, do not talk to the bird!"

    Well, sure enough the dog, Killer, totally ignored the repairman, but the whole time he was there, the parrot cursed, yelled, screamed, and about drove him nuts.

    As he was ready to leave, he couldn't resist saying, "You stupid bird, why don't you shut up!"

    To which the bird replied, "Killer, get him!"
  • Joke (28-Jul-2014 15:25 PST)
    How many actors does it take to change a light bulb?

    1) Five. One to climb the ladder, four to say "That should be me up there!"
    2) None. The stunt double does it for them.
  • Joke (28-Jul-2014 15:24 PST)
    Chuck Norris does not take showers, he just takes bloodbaths.
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